Holidays and Missing Loved Ones

Every day it gets closer and closer to the major holidays of the year.  As it comes it makes me remember that I have lost a lot of family members this year and I wonder just how my family is going to make it through without seeing their smiling faces. 

As Thanksgiving rounds the corner, I remember how my grandmother loved the smell of pumpkin and sweet potatoe pies baking in the oven.  I'll no longer have that smell to relate to Thanksgiving because she passed away this year in April.  This will also be our first really big holiday without her and it makes me sad.  Without her here I know my family is going to start falling apart and we'll never have get together like we did while she was here.  Therefore, all of our promising that we'll always stick together has gone out the window with her death.  Isn't it strange how they always know, no matter what, that they have to get you to promise that the remaining family will always stick together when they are gone?  You make this promise hoping that you'll have the strength and energy to keep it, but some how it always slips through your fingers in the end. 

You can't keep the family glued together because you are just one person, but this makes me wonder what she is thinking while looking down on us from Heaven.  Is she upset and sad that we aren't able to keep this one small promise that we'll keep in touch with each other or if she is just totally disappointed in us because we aren't trying hard enough to stay together after she is gone.  I loved my grandmother but I have to wonder about the rest of my family.  Are we giving up on each other too soon and just sliding from each other's finger tips, or is it that we never cared and now have no reason to try?

With Thanksgiving gone, next comes Christmas.  A time for family to get together and enjoy each other's company.  But you see, I see face the same dilemma with Christmas that I did with Thanksgiving.  Will we be able to keep the promise to stay together or will we just let go of that promise and live alone with only our close, imitate family with us?  If we continue like we are, we will never know each other and become complete strangers.  Then what would become of us?

How many of you out there have had to question yourselves about this situation?  How do you get over the distance that some have put up between you and themselves?  Or do you?  Will next year be easier because you lived through this first year, or does it get harder as time goes by?  Is there any advice from you on how to over come this situation?  I would really appreciate it if you could offer some.  Thanks!

Steppin' Out

Don't'ch'a just love people who just can't seem to read the signs on the walls in public buildings?  They also happen to be the ones that talk the loudest and seem to want everyone within hearing to hear what they are "trying" to say.  How can you possibly be that full of yourself???  Not everyone likes to hear what other people are saying.  Would rather not be brought into their convos at all but some how we are because it's hard to not hear what is being said when they talk so loud.  Whatever happened to whispering in public and keeping what you say to yourself and those you are speaking to? 

Pondering Self RESPECT

How many of us actually follow all the rules?  Never breaking one no matter what other's may think of us?  Well, I can honestly tell you, "I'm not one of those people."  I don't think that kind of person exist.  So here's what I'm pondering today:  How can you get people to RESPECT the rules a facility has laid out for them if they consider themselves to be above it and everyone else?  That rules don't apply to them.  Sometimes I think they just can't read because there is a huge sign up on the walls stating rules and regulations for a certain building.  then what if you aren't in the role to enforce the rules?  Do you still say something or leave it alone?  And if you leave it alone, how can you stop yourself from looking down your nose at those people for their unprofessional behavior?  When every other word out of their mouths is "F- this, F- that, or G.d. this or G.d. that"?  Isn't there something wrong with them?  It's like they can't complete a sentence without using one of those words throughout the sentence.  I, personally, think it's beyond uneducated and unprofessional for people to speak that way.  It's up there with ignorance and just backwards. 

The reason I ask this is because I was sitting in school today wondering how "professional" would look at some of the students walking around campus speaking "trash" like that.  I would find it hard to hire someone who openly talks like that out in public.  I know it's considered a "freedom of speech" but please, people, have some self respect.  It's insulting to be sitting down somewhere and all you can hear is someone loudly speaking those words.  If they have no respect for themselves I worry about the so called respect they would have for someone else. 

Because lets face it; this country has gone to hades in a hay basket. No one seems to care that people are talking this way and no one seems to notice that their own children are beginning to speak this vulgar language.  It's just sad that we live like this.  That our morals and values have down slided so far that it just seems to roll off our backs like water to ducks.

Seeking Wisdom

Hello, out there.  I have a few ponders I just wanted to word out to whomever actually reads my blog.  If you feel you have specific advice on this subject, please feel free to offer a bit of it.  Thanks.
How come it is that you never really understand and value a person until they are gone.  Gone from existence and you aren't able to just pick up the phone and say, "hello, I have a problem" or just to ask their advice on something?  Why is it that we always wait until the last minute to tell someone how we feel about them and most of the time it's too late?  What is it that makes us so afraid to speak our feelings and thoughts aloud to our loved ones and friends??? 
And if, by some seldom chance, you aren't able to speak your thoughts and feelings in the right time, you feel so awful that you question everything that's happened in the past that did not allow you to speak up.  You just sit there like a knot on a log and ponder what it was that kept you from taking charge.
I wouldn't go straight to calling people a coward, but sometimes that's what it looks like.  You always think to yourself that there is always tomorrow, but you never think that no one is guarteed tomorrow.  How come that kind of thinking isn't ingrained into us as children, young adults, older adults, etc? 
Then, for us who have waited too long, how do we face our doubts and the wondering that's bond to occur?  We find ourselves thinking that it would have been better to say what we were thinking and feeling and darn the consequences than to be stuck with this tremendous amount of quilt over not speaking up soon enough. 
Are there any answers to these questions?  Am I just wasting my time with speaking out loud my thoughts and feelings about regrets?  How many people can actually say, "they don't have regrets?"  NO one is my guess.  [But] I'm sure someone out there will try.  If so, how were you able to live life without regrets and actually be normal?  And if not, how do we get over them and go on about our lives as if nothing has happened?  I don't think you can.  It will always been there and sitting in the back corners of our minds.
Impossiblie questions with no answers.  My speciality.  Thank You to whomever reads my blog.